All right drag lovers, it’s time to go shopping in WeHo! But first, let’s make a list of what we need. Better yet, let’s jot down which queens we want to see. Where can you find your favorite drag queens when they’re not in their natural habitat? And by natural habitat, I mean slung up at the bar, holding a cocktail and belting out a lipsync for the Gods. Finished with your list? Me too. Well, my list contains only one item. Vodka. But I will still navigate our journey. Here is your top secret guide to where to spot your favorite drag queens.
Who needs liquor, Fleet products, lip balm, and one-dollar dishtowels? Great, everyone. CVS West Hollywood teems with your favorites. I mean where else can these girls buy Wet ‘n Wild and pass it off as MAC? I have personally hidden behind my gigantic black shades while spying from behind the Coinstar machine. And who have my hazel eyes seen? Jessica Wild, Mariah Paris Balenciaga, and another “RuPaul’s Drag Race” girl … in full drag! Yepper. As I pretended to be buying cream to help tighten the bags under my eyes rather than for something else, none other than Willam strutted through in a hot pair of pink heels, probably designer, with a matching party dress. At 3pm?!! And I thought I was brave years ago when I shopped out of face but still wore heels. Ahh, memories! Now, boys in heels are everywhere.
Speaking of heels, a woman can never have enough shoes. Or dresses. Or handbags. Okay, we’re heading to Ross “Cross Dress” For Less in the Beverly Connection. Lo and behold, who might appear? Well, she may have won the crown of “Miss Continental 2012,” but she also knows how to spot a bargain. Ladies, it’s Sasha Colby, placing a bottle of “Gardenia” perfume by Liz Taylor into her basket. I’ll buy one too. It smells so damn good.
Umm, but, Sasha dear. What were you doing across town at the 7/11 at Sunset and La Brea one Thursday night at 3am? Remember? You were in flip-flops and a mini-dress with a front zipper that had a very difficult time staying up. Hmmmmmmm. Well, who doesn’t crave a “Big Gulp” before bed?
Speaking of gulping, it’s grocery time. Who needs water crackers with flax, pumpkin pie mochi ice cream, edamame – whatever that is – and Green Fog Organic IPA? Clearly, we’re not clicking our new heels from Ross over to Gelson’s. Besides, I haven’t taken out a second mortgage yet in order to shop there. Nope. Trader Joe’s in WeHo is the winnahhhhh! Speaking of winners, stagger up the hill or climb those stairs and you might find the winner of “RuPaul’s Drag Race” Season 3. RAJA! She frequently shops there and then has cocktails down the street at her favorite neighborhood bar, Gold Coast.
After a cocktail at Gold Coast, some of you may want to medicate yourself further while on this side of town. So follow me over to the MedMen pharmacy. Here, you can check off some “laganja estranja” from your list, but you won’t find the actual Laganja Estranja anywhere around. You will, however, find another popular “RuPaul’s Drag Race” queen stocking up. Which one? Let’s just say that if you see her, she may leave you hearing a cacophony of sounds inside your head. Well, certainly not after you spark one up on your much-needed smoke break.
But alas, we have places to go and a list to complete. And, no drag shopping trip would be complete without a stop to a makeup store. So, we’re hightailing it to the MAC Pro Store on Melrose at La Cienega. On one particular day, just hours before the debut of “RuPaul’s Drag Race” Season 9, who should I stand behind in line at the counter? A drag queen who knows a few things about the show and winning it. From Season 2, it’s winner Tyra Sanchez and her entourage of young gays. Again, I just stood quietly, hiding behind my oversized sunglasses, as she swiped her card. Don’t be surprised, though, if you’re admiring the PatentPolish lip pencils while rubbing shoulders with Ongina or Charlie Hides too. Sources say they’ve shopped there as well. You can spot even more of your favorite queens at the MAC store at Hollywood and Highland. Purchasing paint at this snazzy locale include Trixie Mattel, Yara Sofia, Alyssa Edwards, and Peppermint. Whew! That’s a whole lotta queens.
Alas, lady lovers, the shopping’s done, and you got your drag fix too. Plus, whether you are new to town or just visiting, you now know where in WeHo to find your most beloved queens out and about. And you know what? We drag queens are just like you. We run errands, daytime drink, and buy some weed. We eat edamame and wear Liz Taylor perfume. But as of late, the best place to spot your favorite queen is at the airport! And … in …full … drag! Morgan McMichaels and Pandora Boxx at San Fran International? Are you nuts? And Shangela literally flying in full face because of a double-booking?! You’ve got guts, girly! And I can barely walk two blocks to Hamburger Mary’s in face without being three sheets to the wind to calm my nerves. Oh, wait. That’s because I am preparing for work, just like you before doing surgery. I guess there really isn’t a difference between us queens and the regular folks. We may stand out, not to alarm people, but to help them realize that we’re all just the same. One of us is just wearing a little more eyeliner. And that, kiddies, is m’world … Ingenue’s Drag World.